On St. Patrick's Day

Well, as google doodles was so good to remind us today, it is St. Patrick’s. I say that with a sort of an uneasy smile -the kind you make after a fart or racist joke that’s still funny- because I’m somewhat conflicted about this particular holiday.

Despite having the most Scottish name in the history of the planet, I am, in fact, at least half Irish, going back a couple of generations. I look Irish, the type that’s referred to in old songs as a nut-brown Colleen or Jenny (dark hair, pale skin, freckly as all fuck), and I’ve probably kept up with Irish culture better than your average Canadian. My friend even informs me I have a slight Irish accent, though he’s Italian, so what the hell does he know. So while I love the concept of a day for celebrating Irishness and a great party, I can’t help but find the way it’s celebrated in Canada… sort of crass. I mean, look.

If you’re actually, culturally Irish, none of this will be interesting at all. But if you’re not, or you’re very distanced from your roots, and you want to enjoy St. Patrick’s without turning into that guy, here is a little list of Irish things that are great without being so exaggeratedly ‘Irish’ as to turn into the parody above.

1.       Genuine, good Irish folk music:

Here, the emphasis is not so much on genuine as on good. There’s lots of terrible sappy stuff out there that, while perfectly genuine, manages to be crass anyway because it’s terrible. Here’s some of the good stuff:

(Technically, Van Morrison is an Ulsterman, and some of his other stuff is exactly the sap I was talking about earlier. This song works because he sounds so completely pissed. Seriously. He’s talking about the girl he loves and it sounds like he wants to haul off and punch someone in the face.)

2.       The Book of Kells:

You know today’s google doodle? This is where that comes from. It’s probably the finest illuminated manuscript in the world. Also called the Leabhar Cheanannais in original Galeic, it contains the beautifully decorated four Gospels of the New Testament in Latin, as well as several pages of illustration in much the same style, all in minute detail. It was produced in the Abbey of Kells, circa 6^th Century, primarily by the monk Lindisfarne, at a period where literacy was more or less only preserved (within the isles) in monasteries. Here is my favourite page, the chi rho:

If you like it, you’d probably enjoy the curiously areligious but otherwise pretty historically correct animated film The Secret of Kells. It’s animated in a style inspired by the book itself and features voices by some of the fellows I’ll mention below.

3.       Guinness:
Yes, you already know. This dark, bitter, beautifully smooth beer is by all reports horse piss compared to the Guinness they serve in Ireland, but compared to most Canadian beer it is sublime without being at all pretentious. Note: Guinness is a stout. It is meant to be drunk at room temperature.  Please do not dye it green.

4.       Liam Neeson:

You know him as the stepdad in Love Actually, the protagonist in Schindler’s List, the Jesus-Lion in Chronicles of Narnia, and probably some other stuff. He is a badass and a sweetheart, and also the most paternal creature in history. Here he is as Michael Collins, leader of the revolution that gave Ireland political freedom but also got pretty freaky at times.

5.       Brendan Gleeson:

Similarly a badass, though a bit less paternal. He doesn’t bother to tone down his accent as Mad Eye Moody.

6.       Cillian Murphy: One of Ireland’s many leading pretty-boys, and a frighteningly versatile actor. In The Way We Live Now you want to run off and build railroads with him. In Red Eye you want to get as far away from him as possible, even if it means a hasty exit from a plane at 10 000 ft.

7.       Cable-knit sweaters: Simple, stylish and cuddlier than an oxytocin junkie.

8.       The Irish accent: Truly, one of the finest and most pleasant accents, when not being feigned by a demonic little leprechaun.
9.       St. Patrick himself. Whether or not you feel a righteous glow at the thought of turning Pagans to the church, the dude converted a whole langely uncivilized island without one single martyrdom. That never happens. Awesome.

There are more, of course, but being only quasi-Irish, I shouldn’t harp on (heh. Harp.) for too long. I will leave you with a quote from Jerry Coyne’s Why Evolution is True:

“[The gene] is called Mc1R, and one of its recessive forms, especially common in Irish populations,  produces freckles and red hair.”

(Becomes funnier if you recall the most common prefix in Irish last names).